8 Signs of Emotional Abuse That Aren’t Always So Obvious

Does your relationship with someone leave you feeling upset again and again? Have you reached the point of wondering, am I being abused? Emotional abuse is often insidious, creeping into relationships and chipping away at your life force little by little. Unlike physical abuse, its scars aren’t visible, but its impact is equally, sometimes more devastating.  

Identifying emotional abuse can be challenging, especially when it manifests in subtle ways. Yet, recognising these behaviours is crucial for maintaining your sanity. Here are eight subtle signs of emotional abuse that may be hiding in plain sight. 

Constant Criticism and Belittling

One of the hallmark traits of emotional abuse is a relentless barrage of criticism and belittling remarks. Perhaps this person gets in small digs about what you’re wearing or makes an unnecessary comment on your weight loss or gain. Other times, they accuse you of being needy or over the top. You start feeling, can I do anything right? 

While constructive criticism is a normal part of any healthy relationship, emotional abusers use criticism as a tool for manipulation. This constant undermining erodes self-esteem over time, making the victim increasingly reliant on the abuser for validation.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a particularly horrid form of psychological manipulation aimed at making the victim doubt their perceptions and sanity. Emotional abusers may deny their actions or distort the truth to make their partner question their memory, perception, or judgment. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “That never happened,” causing the victim to doubt their reality. 

Say you suffer from a debilitating chronic illness or disability, but this person continually tells you that you’re exaggerating your symptoms or looking for attention. Medical gaslighting is a particularly soul-crushing experience and one that I’ve unfortunately encountered. But why do people behave this way? Generally speaking, a resort to gaslighting in this circumstance happens when an individual isn’t emotionally strong enough to accept the truth. Denial is their coping mechanism. 

Mocking

It’s just a joke. That’s what an emotionally abusive individual likes to tell you. The problem is, it’s not. You’re internally getting upset, over and over. That inside joke about something you said or the way you look fast becomes not funny. To anyone. Unfortunately, lacking all emotional awareness, the abuser will continue in their dastardly ways unless the other person puts up major boundaries or decides to walk away. 

Isolation

Emotional abusers often seek to isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks. They may use subtle tactics like discouraging social activities, sulking when the victim spends time with others, or making derogatory remarks about their loved ones. 

Planning to leave the house alone to go on a night out? An emotional abuser may do everything in their power to prevent that from happening, whether it’s deliberately creating an argument or asking you to tend to something when they know you don’t have time. 

By isolating their victim, the abuser creates a sense of dependency and reduces the likelihood of this person seeking help or support outside the relationship. The victim is left feeling lonely and completely helpless. 

Control and Manipulation

Emotional abusers exert control over every aspect of their target’s life, from finances and social interactions to personal decisions and behaviours. Look out for guilt-tripping, threats, or emotional blackmail. Whilst the control may be subtle at first, over time, the abuser will continue to push the boundaries. Before you know it, your life no longer looks like yours; you exist to serve them instead. 

Emotional Withholding

Did you argue, and now you’re desperately trying to resolve matters? Emotional abusers won’t be keen on peace anytime soon. Such individuals will often withhold affection, validation, or support as a means of punishment or control. 

They may use the silent treatment, withdrawal, or emotional unavailability to manipulate their victim’s behaviour or emotions. By withholding love and affection, the abuser creates a sense of insecurity and anxiety in the victim, who may become desperate for their approval and affection. This dynamic reinforces the power imbalance in the relationship, with the abuser holding all the cards.

Blaming and Shifting Responsibility

Next in eight signs of emotional abuse comes shirking responsibility. These people don’t like to take accountability for their actions, ever. Instead, they decide that it’s much easier to shift the blame onto someone else. 

You may hear things like, “You made me do this,” or “You’re too sensitive.” This tactic not only absolves the abuser of responsibility but also reinforces feelings of guilt and self-blame in the victim. Over time, the victim may internalise these messages, believing that they are somehow at fault and responsible for the abuse they endure.

Unpredictable Mood Swings

Emotional abusers often exhibit erratic mood swings, alternating between extreme kindness and affection to anger and hostility. Sometimes they may seem high and happy, only for their mood to be downright depressive within the space of a few short hours. This Jekyll and Hyde behaviour keeps the victim on edge, never knowing what to expect or how to behave to avoid triggering the abuser’s wrath. 

The mood swings end up becoming a means of control, keeping the victim walking on eggshells and submissive to their demands. This constant cycle of tension and release is highly emotionally draining and destabilising for anyone to have to deal with. 

Final Thoughts on 8 Signs of Emotional Abuse That Aren’t So Obvious 

Emotional abuse is a horribly pervasive and damaging form of mistreatment that can be difficult to recognise, especially when it’s on the sly. By understanding these subtle signs of emotional abuse, you can better identify unhealthy patterns in your relationships and take steps to protect your mental wellbeing and soul. 

Seeking support from trusted individuals is crucial for breaking free from the cycle of abuse and reclaiming your sense of self-worth and autonomy. Remember, no one deserves to endure emotional abuse. So, if you recognise any of these signs, start looking for ways to remove yourself from this person’s life quietly.