Does a Narcissist Get Jealous? Yes, and Here’s Why

Human emotions are vast and intricate things. And of all emotions, jealousy is a particularly potent and complex one that can manifest in a variety of curious ways. When it comes to individuals with narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality disorder, understanding their emotional landscape can be challenging. 

Does a narcissist get jealous, and if so, how does it manifest in their behaviour? I’m going to delve into the intricacies of narcissism and explore the dynamics of jealousy within this personality profile.

The Narcissistic Personality

Pathological narcissists are never quite what they seem. On the surface, most see self-importance, an insatiable hunger for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While this may paint a picture of unwavering self-confidence, behind the facade lies an impossibly fragile self-esteem that views literally everyone and everything as a threat. 

Jealousy and Narcissism

So, does a narcissist get jealous? This question may seem paradoxical. After all, aren’t they supremely confident individuals who believe themselves superior to others? Even the covert types seem to display a quiet, easy-going poise. The answer lies in understanding the root of narcissism and the delicate balance between their grandiose facade and underlying vulnerability.

The Fragile Ego and Jealousy

Despite their outward confidence, narcissists possess an incredibly brittle ego. But why? Those who suffer from this disorder don’t have a healthy, integrated self. For reasons relating to either nature or nurture or likely a combination of both, the narcissist’s true self stopped developing typically under the age of five years. To compensate, a monstrous ego, or false self, entered the picture in an attempt to protect the narcissist from the world. 

With no genuine self-esteem to speak of and deficient emotional intelligence, the narcissist is effectively disabled. The average narcissist goes through life observing others and secretly wondering, why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I have their natural self-confidence and warmth? Of course, the narcissist will never admit to these thoughts. Jealousy, therefore, serves as a defence mechanism. 

Narcissistic Supply and Jealousy

Narcissists need attention, admiration, and validation from others to survive and prop up their false self, otherwise known as narcissistic supply. Why? To counteract their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy that they work so hard to conceal. When a narcissist perceives a threat to their primary source of narcissistic supply, whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, or a colleague, feelings of envy begin to bubble. 

For example, if a narcissist’s partner garners attention from others or achieves success that outshines their own, the narcissist will likely experience intense jealousy. Those with this disorder never want to be out of the spotlight. In these situations, the narcissist’s ordinarily hidden envy may reveal itself through toxic behaviours aimed at regaining control and re-establishing their perceived superiority.

Competitive Jealousy in Narcissists

Narcissists often engage in a competitive form of jealousy, viewing relationships and interactions as a zero-sum game where someone else’s success or happiness is somehow a direct threat to their own. So, how does this manifest? From subtle undermining tactics to more overt efforts to diminish the achievements of others, the narcissist will do whatever it takes to try and put others in their place. 

In romantic relationships, narcissists are known to become possessive and controlling, attempting to limit their partner’s interactions with others or belittling their accomplishments. In professional settings, they may undermine coworkers, spread rumours, or take credit for others’ achievements. The narcissist wants to be at the top of the perceived hierarchy. 

The Cycle of Idealisation and Devaluation

Narcissists are known for their pattern of idealising others initially. They may love bomb others and place them on a pedestal and, before devaluing them when they no longer serve the narcissist’s needs or when they pose a threat. Jealousy often plays a role in the devaluation phase, as the narcissist struggles to emotionally regulate themselves and maintain control over the relationship dynamics.

In romantic relationships, this cycle might go: the narcissist idealises their partner, showering them with too-good-to-be-true affection and praise. However, as the partner’s individuality asserts itself or as they achieve success independently, the narcissist’s jealousy emerges, leading to devaluation. The once-praised partner is now a target for criticism or belittlement. Before too long, the once idealised partner becomes a discarded victim as the narcissist seeks a new source of admiration.

Jealousy and Narcissistic Rage

Lastly, on the topic of does a narcissist get jealous, we have narcissistic rage. This form of anger is an intense and often disproportionate response to a perceived threat or injury to the narcissist’s self-esteem. Have you ever seen a suspected narcissist shake with rage and witnessed their eyes turn pitch black? You may well have been on the receiving end of a narcissistic rage attack. 

It may have been something you did or said, or more often than not, your mere presence evokes such furious envy within the narcissist that they can no longer contain themselves. A narcissist hates nothing more than to face their perceived shortcomings and the dark void within. 

During episodes of narcissistic rage, individuals with this personality disorder may engage in verbal or even physical abuse, seeking to regain a sense of control and superiority. This behaviour is not only damaging to those around them but also serves as a desperate attempt to protect the wounded self that lies beneath the narcissistic facade.

Coping with Narcissistic Jealousy

So, you now know that the answer to ‘Does a narcissist get jealous?’ is an assertive “yes.” And you’re probably also aware that dealing with a narcissist’s jealousy can be a hellish experience. 

Their compensatory behaviours are often manipulative, controlling and cold. Understanding what’s happening beneath the psychological surface can be a crucial first step in managing these tricky dynamics before moving forward with the following.  

Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries in your relationships with narcissistic individuals. In many cases, you’ll feel the need to go low contact at a minimum to keep your sanity and protect your emotional health. Where this isn’t possible, be clear about unacceptable behaviours and communicate your needs effectively.

Seek Support: If you are in a relationship with a suspected narcissist or trying to get out, seek support from trusted friends and family. Having a support system can provide validation and help you navigate the challenges of dealing with a pathologically envious individual. 

Maintain Independence: Focus on maintaining your independence and sense of self. Narcissists are threatened by those who assert their individuality, so cultivating your interests and achievements can be empowering. Just be mindful to try not to deliberately aggravate a narcissist for your safety (although easier said than done). 

Final Thoughts on Does a Narcissist Get Jealous?

You’re dealing with an individual who is psychologically unsound and in colossal emotional pain. There isn’t much you can do to stop a narcissist from experiencing envy towards you; your very presence is a threat. 

Whether you choose to keep this person in your life is up to you alone. In many circumstances, the no-contact rule is only sometimes possible. When you’re struggling to deal with the narcissist’s jealousy and associated toxic behaviours, a helpful thing to keep in mind is that it isn’t personal; it’s pathological.