Is the Narcissist Happy?

After spending any period of time with a narcissist, it’s easy to be left wondering – is the narcissist happy? Or are narcissists happy as a collective? The majority of those with narcissistic personality disorder spend much of their lives convincing others that they are eternally happy. Is this really the case, however?

People with narcissistic personality disorder are masters of illusion. If you are acquainted with a narcissist and happen to ask them the following:

“How are you?”

The answer will nearly always be emphatic:

“Very, very well!”

The response will rarely stray from this sort of narrative. If you attempt to delve deeper into the narcissist’s reply, you will likely be refused. Narcissists feel an urgent need to display their happiness to the world. They do this by parading a new partner or boasting about their success or wealth to anyone who will listen. It seems that they never have a bad day, become upset about something or fall on hard times. Why? Are narcissists happy?

Uncovering the Truth: Are Narcissists Happy?

Narcissists operate through a façade, often referred to as the false self. Their true self, or soul, stopped developing at some point, typically under the age of 5. This is often referred to as the narcissistic wound and is caused by trauma or a series of traumas. The term trauma in this scenario could refer to conditional love from a parent or being born to a narcissistic parent. The inborn character of the child may also determine whether or not they will become pathologically narcissistic. At this moment in time, the cause of narcissistic personality disorder is still not completely known.

The problem is that the false self, as the name implies, is a lie. Narcissists do not experience their emotions through the false self. The false self is, in all essences, a fictional character that the narcissist plays the part of every single day. Deep down, the narcissist knows that there is something hugely wrong with them, which is why they go to great lengths to hide it – it being the emotionally undeveloped, childlike true self.

When considering whether are narcissists happy, the narcissist has no idea what happiness genuinely means. This part of their being was walled off and numbed at such a young age that they have no idea how the emotion actually feels. They have never experienced contentment or the warmth of love. Instead, they carefully observe others who appear happy and mimic.

When you look at the narcissist and see what you may perceive to be happiness, it is the grandiosity and entitlement of the false self. This is a performance for not only others but ultimately for the narcissist. The narcissist is trying to fool no one more so than himself or herself. They are at war with themselves, and you just so happen to be caught up in action.

The narcissist often appears to be a highly confident individual, an attribute that many associate with happiness. However, in reality, the narcissist has no self-esteem. To possess self-esteem, you need to occupy your self – your true self. The narcissist has abandoned their true self, which remains frozen in time and dilapidated. When their actions are examined, it is clear to see that they do not come from a place of self-love. 

When a Narcissist Sees You Happy

With the happy narcissist being an elusive myth, it is no surprise that when a narcissist sees you happy, they aren’t always best pleased. Seeing you content and satisfied in life feels like another ego wound for the narcissist. It is a stark reminder that they’ll never be able to experience these positive emotions. If we were all honest with ourselves, no one particularly enjoys seeing someone get all the luck in life whilst going through difficult times. Unfortunately for the narcissist, the challenges never end.

When a narcissist sees you happy, they receive a reminder of the gnawing emptiness that lies within. People with this pathology may even convince themselves that you are deliberately faking your happiness for the sake of revenge on the narcissist. This distorted way of thinking is ultimately a projection, as individuals with narcissistic personality disorder put on a happy face regardless of their inner turmoil for everyday survival.

Narcissists feel that if they can’t be happy, why should anybody else experience happiness? The entitlement and envy, which are hallmarks of this personality disorder, are constantly sitting just below the surface of the perfected false self. At their worst, the narcissist considers your happy state of mind an act of aggression, existing only to further their misery.

Why Are Narcissists So Mean?

Narcissists are, generally speaking, abusive by default. However, people with this personality disorder are often at their most cruel when they see your happiness. Contrary to popular belief, narcissists don’t always set out to be mean to other people; it’s as though this part of their psyche operates on autopilot.

The happy narcissist is a fantasy that never materialises, no matter how much they crave the comfort and warmth of self-love. These emotions are alien to the narcissist, who knows only a grey and hollow inner landscape. So, why are narcissists so mean? The narcissist is a walking open wound never given the tools, care or love to heal. As a result, the narcissist exists as an overgrown, entitled child crying out for help but yet to realise that the only person who can help them is themselves.

No matter how hard the narcissist tries to conceal certain parts of their being, it’s only a matter of time before the overwhelming toxic shame spills out everywhere. This shame turns into an expression of meanness towards others who find themselves in the impossible situation of dealing with a hypersensitive bully. Lacking object constancy and emotional empathy, narcissists don’t experience significant remorse about their behaviour. Remember, the cruelty this person may subject you to isn’t personal, no matter how you feel. To put things bluntly, you’re only caught in the crossfire.

So, Is the Narcissist Happy?

If you have ever lived with a person who has a narcissistic personality disorder, you’ll be all too aware of the discrepancy between the public persona and who they are behind closed doors. In private, the narcissist is frequently monosyllabic, full of rage, aloof and utterly miserable.

The harder you try to initiate intimacy, in whichever form, the further you’re pushed away. People will always try to break through to the narcissist and appeal to their better side until they realise there is no one there. For most people, this realisation takes many years to materialise, but the psychological fog lifts once it does. The narcissist’s personality structure means that true happiness is unattainable, and it’s not a feeling they are familiar with or have a genuine understanding of in any way. So, in answer to is the narcissist happy? The conclusion is a resounding no. 

If you found learning more about are narcissists happy helpful, you may also enjoy why the narcissist blames you.