Can Narcissists Love?

After going through the torment of being involved with a pathological narcissist, you may wonder, can narcissists love? On the more sensual side, some of us question do narcissists like to be touched or not? Narcissists send out very conflicting messages about love, and it can be impossible to understand their true feelings or intentions.

Many of us question if those with narcissistic personality disorder have their unique version of love and what if any, feelings narcissists possess for other people. Some narcissists look as though they fall hopelessly and intensely in love with others, more so than a psychologically healthy person. Is this feeling genuinely experienced, or is it faked?

Examining the Narcissist

Despite appearances, the narcissist does not love him or herself. Those with the pathology suffered abuse and trauma, typically under the age of five. Abuse can range from conditional love from a parent to emotional smothering or spoiling the child or even physical. The abuse created a narcissistic wound, which arrested the narcissist’s emotional and personal development. As a result, the narcissist has no healthily formed true self or genuine personality.

Can a narcissist love? With no defined self, the narcissist, therefore, isn’t capable of self-love – it’s logistically and emotionally impossible. To truly love another person, we need to possess a stable, healthy form of love for ourselves. We need to accept that love does not require perfection; nobody is flawless.

The narcissist isn’t capable of understanding this and demands perfection from him or herself and others. As is always the case with narcissistic personality disorder, everything becomes a projection onto those surrounding the person with the pathology. This coping mechanism is the narcissist’s way of compensating for being so emotionally disabled and lacking an authentic, fully developed identity. Sadly, with no real life force of their own, the narcissist cannot feel lasting, unconditional love towards another person.

Why Narcissists Enter Relationships: The Addicted Narcissist

Pathologically narcissistic people only enter relationships to receive validation. Many narcissists may genuinely believe that they possess emotions for or even love the other person, but this isn’t the case in reality. Loving another person is essentially impossible when the narcissist is preoccupied with self-esteem maintenance.

The best metaphor for the narcissist’s self-worth is to picture a bucket with holes. Narcissists spend their lives chasing love, respect and care from others in their great attempt to fill the bucket to the top. Of course, however, this isn’t possible. Trying to fill the bucket is a full-time job for the narcissist, and they find little energy for other pursuits.

Being in a relationship allows the narcissist to tell them that they matter and are important. With no sense of self, they are desperate to be able to feel that they exist. They are so focused on running from their arrested true self and associated feelings of shame that there really is no room for anybody else. The narcissist lives in an endless survival mode and has nothing of positive value to offer to others.

You may have personally been romantically involved with a suspected narcissist and felt confused by their apparent fondness for intimacy and sexual activities. Do narcissists like to be touched? Yes and no. Individuals with this pathology cannot create genuine intimacy with another being. What you’re on the receiving end of is a charming performance from the false self as the narcissist attempts to woo you.

Most narcissists do not like to be touched by another person, not unless they initiate the action. Remember, control is paramount to anyone with this disorder. The act of sex with a narcissist is often described by survivors as mechanical or robotic, as though the heart and soul are missing from the moment. Without any doubt, most narcissists enjoy the pleasure of sexual activities like any other human being. However, the vulnerability required is a massive problem for the narcissist, who always seeks to keep their guard up.

Can a narcissist fall in love? Narcissists can certainly become infatuated with another person or develop an obsession. This apparent emotional outpouring is far from healthy love, however. What we’re really looking at is an addicted narcissist. The fact remains that it’s still all about the narcissist and how their partner makes them look. For example, if the narcissist’s partner is exceptionally good-looking, the narcissist will value how this reflects upon them. Of course, this is incredibly superficial, and people only matter as far as they are an extension of the narcissist. Other people are, quite literally, reduced to objects. 

So, Can Narcissists Love?

The narcissist is not interested in other people and their lives whatsoever. Other humans will never receive value as a person with emotions and feelings. In the narcissist’s mind, only their feelings matter. This toxic way of thinking is how narcissists think, and they don’t perceive their behaviour as wrong. How can it be wrong when the narcissist is fighting for their existence? The narcissist’s self-perception as a victim is considered a reason to excuse their actions.

The sad irony when considering whether or not can a narcissist love is that the narcissist also thinks less of someone for loving them. They cannot possibly understand why anyone would. The narcissist is a fraud, and the person others fall in love with does not exist. The majority of narcissists are all too aware of this fact, despite what they say to the contrary.

As soon as the other person fails to toe the line or validate the narcissist at all times, their true, rage-filled, ugly feelings will come spilling out. The narcissist’s self-worth is in danger, and they will do whatever it takes to replenish it. The narcissist will use either emotional or physical abuse to force others into submission and to continue providing unquestioning love, care and respect. Once this cycle is complete, the narcissist will return to their version of love for the other person. 

Can a narcissist love? While many narcissists believe that they love others, their behaviour and actions say otherwise. Unconditional love will never be possible for someone with narcissistic personality disorder; it will always be highly dysfunctional and abusive. 

And, can a narcissist fall in love? Narcissists can quickly become infatuated with another person and obsessively think about this individual. The love-addicted narcissist is a genuine phenomenon. However, this apparent devotion to someone else won’t last like everything else. If you suspect that you are a narcissist’s new obsession, the best advice I can give is to run. 

If you found Can Narcissists Love helpful, check out Why Does the Narcissist Have So Many Friends?