Why Does the Narcissist Have So Many Friends?

Have you ever been left confused and wondering; why does the narcissist have so many friends? Do you have a male or female narcissist friend or suspect that your partner or a family member suffers from the disorder?

It seems that the average narcissist is never alone, with friends surrounded. There appears to be a long list of people that the narcissist somehow knows from various places. What’s more, these people are willing to spend time with the narcissist and generally speak positively about them.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of the worst of the narcissist’s abusive ways, you may feel bemused why more people can’t see the true face of this individual. Whilst you’re practising ignoring a narcissist, others seek out and embrace their company. In this post, I’ll delve into the mystery of the popular narcissist, plus why so many friends of the narcissist manage to avoid the full wrath of the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

The Popular Narcissist

Typically, when we first meet the narcissist, they possess many good qualities. There’s interpersonal warmth, which is hard to come by, a sense of self-assurance and charisma. The narcissist may also exude an air of mystery, which depending on your personality type, may be very attractive and alluring.

You feel like you’ve never met a person of this nature before and are happy to have them in your life. However, these halcyon days don’t last long, as odd behaviours start mounting. The narcissist may constantly be on their phone, calling or messaging an array of individuals. It’s as though they can never relax or enjoy the moment unless they’re going at a frenetic pace around the clock. If you’re trying to develop a relationship or close friendship with this person, it’s incredibly annoying.

The very worst of it, however, is that the narcissist starts to brag about their quantity of friends and supposed popularity. According to them, everyone they know is a “great friend” of theirs who also happens to be very well-connected. As time passes, the so-called popular narcissist may develop a pattern of shaming you, asking why you don’t have more friends or who your “friendship group” is. At this stage, you’re probably left feeling uncertain, wondering if you, too, should be amassing friends like you’re back on the school playground. Even the thought feels exhausting.

Narcissistic Friendship: An Addiction

So, what is really going on? Why do narcissists have so many friends? And how does this all tie in with the cycle of narcissistic abuse? As discussed in other posts, the narcissist’s true self stopped developing typically under the age of 5 years. This means that the narcissist has no true personality or identity. To compensate, the narcissist creates a false self, which is everything that the narcissist perceives himself or herself not to be. For example, if the narcissist considers their true self to be weak, they will present as strong through their false self.

The problem is that the false self is not self-sustainable; it needs constant energy from other people to survive. The narcissist’s goal is to surround himself or herself with people who buy into the character of the false self. Narcissists are hyper-vigilant in assessing whether or not others are buying into their fiction; the idea is for others to adore, with positive affirmations at all times. This is commonly known as narcissistic supply, which is vital to the narcissist’s survival and functioning. If you’ve ever tried ignoring a narcissist, you’ll know that this is no easy feat – nothing infuriates and injures the narcissist more than being made to feel that they’re not important to other people.

When the narcissist has low or inadequate supply, he or she is hounded by feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing and an overwhelming sense that they do not exist. The internal world of those with narcissistic personality disorder is a cold, empty, dark and barren void. In all essences, that world is dead, just like the narcissist’s true self.

With no positive emotional life force of their own, the narcissist seeks this out in others as a form of pain relief. Narcissistic supply is an addiction, and like all addicts, the more of the substance, the greater the temporary relief. Other people are reduced to objects and numbers, merely serving a function for the narcissist. So, why do narcissists have so many friends? In reality, that’s a highly disputable question, seeing as those with narcissistic personality disorder are unable to connect with others in a healthy way emotionally.

However, the real irony and crux of the matter; if these so-called friends are not romantically involved with, or live with, the narcissist, they may well carry on believing in the illusion of the false self for many years to come. More often than not, this is incredibly disheartening for those who have been damaged in the ruthless cycle of narcissistic abuse, perhaps because they knew the narcissist in closer proximity.

Many are in awe of the narcissist and their easy popularity, wondering how such a larger-than-life person can exist. The narcissist goes to great effort to keep others at a comfortable arm’s length, meaning that they never get the chance to see behind the curtain. If that chance were given, the illusion would be destroyed, and that person would cease to be in the narcissist’s life. 

Final Thoughts on Why Does the Narcissist Have So Many Friends

The definition of a friend is:

‘a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.’

There is nothing mutual about any relationship with a narcissist. The narcissist is incapable of true affection towards anyone. When examined, you realise that you didn’t possess the affection you once thought you had for the narcissist; the reason being you never knew them. The question, which then arises, is; does the narcissist have any friends?

Want more on a similar topic to why do narcissists have so many friends and the popular narcissist? Check out Is the Narcissist Happy? and uncover more on the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

Pin this post below!