6 Signs You May Be Living With a Narcissist

Wherever you call home exists to be a place of safety, relaxation, and most importantly, love. However, for many, home doesn’t fit this brief. Does being at home fill you with a sense of dread and constant anxiety? Do you live in an environment where you have to tread on eggshells every day for fear of upsetting or enraging another person in your household? Does your living situation make you feel trapped and hopeless? 

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, chances are you may be emotionally depleted from living with a narcissist. Cohabiting with someone with narcissistic personality disorder sometimes isn’t what society leads us to believe, and so I wanted to create a post that provided tangible examples. If you recognise any of the behaviours in a person you live with, it may be time to start planning a quiet exit. 

Arguments Out of Nowhere

Life is full of drama and challenging situations, but if you’re living with a narcissist, however, even the most mundane topics of conversation can turn into a full-blown row. In healthy relationships, it’s possible to question the person you live with about day-to-day household matters, such as whether they put the bin out for collection or emptied the dishwasher. 

People with narcissistic personality disorder, on the other hand, will perceive these questions as a potential personal attack due to his or her fragile sense of self. The narcissist may reply to you as follows:

“No, I haven’t put the bin out for collection yet. You can go and put the bin out now. I don’t know why you always have to start attacking me.” 

In this scenario, it’s human nature to start justifying your question, which has sparked a significant disagreement. However, the narcissist has no real intention of listening to you as he or she is now far too preoccupied with the feelings of worthlessness that the communication has triggered.

Living with a narcissist will leave you increasingly confused over time as you examine whether you are causing multiple arguments. Typically speaking, the longer the relationship has existed, the higher the frequency of these disputes. As the narcissist cannot communicate with any degree of emotional maturity, your only real option is to walk away. 

Constantly Saying Sorry

In a desperate bid to keep what little peace remains, living with a narcissist will have you constantly apologising. When you logically look at what exactly you’re saying sorry for, however, it’s not entirely clear. 

Like a small sulking child, the narcissist isn’t interested in talking through disagreements like an adult; he or she isn’t capable of doing so. In fact, the narcissist feels a surge of triumph whilst punishing you with their bad mood as he or she gains a sense of control. As the narcissist suffers from feeling out of control on the inside, this external control of others brings an immediate sensation of relief, acting as compensation. 

Trapped walking on eggshells, everyone in the household ends up doing whatever it takes to make the person with narcissistic personality disorder somewhat happier. Finding yourself emotionally depleted from living with a narcissist isn’t surprising at all, unfortunately.

Feelings of Anxiety, Depression or Numbness

Are you usually a relatively calm, content and happy person, but since your current living setup, you’ve found yourself feeling and behaving out of character? Do you feel somewhat dissociated from the person you were previously? Have you developed a panic attack problem? Chances are, you may well be living with a narcissist. 

Those with narcissistic personality disorder possess the unique ability to erode your character, boundaries, and very soul due to the significant emotional abuse that the narcissist inflicts upon his or her victim. 

Furthermore, if you are highly empathetic, you may be absorbing the narcissist’s emotions and experiencing them as though they are your own. The narcissist’s default emotional state is one of numbness, emptiness and devoid of warmth and love. It’s essential to be able to differentiate between your emotions and the narcissists. 

Lack of Care and Attention

Whether you’re romantically involved or otherwise with this person, you feel that they are somewhat indifferent towards your needs. Day-to-day, you are neglected and get the sense that you’re not genuinely seen as a human being by this individual. 

Living with a narcissist will routinely make you feel undervalued and invisible. Talking it through never seems productive, and you find yourself accused of being demanding and needy. As time passes, your self-worth suffers, and you begin to feel unlovable, even if you know that, objectively speaking, this isn’t the case. 

Strange Behaviours

You’ve been out to a social event with this person, at which they were charming, animated and engaging. As soon as you return home, however, that character is gone. In its place is someone who is monosyllabic, disinterested and vacant seeming. He or she may slump themselves in front of the television, refusing to communicate for hours on end. 

Living with a narcissist is, for the most part, a disturbing experience. At times you may find yourself trying to reason with someone enraged, unexpectedly so, glaring at you with pitch black, bulging eyes that have an otherworldly quality to them. You start to become aware that you’re not exactly sure what sort of person you’re dealing with and feel unnerved as a result. 

Trying to Make You Jealous

Whilst you’re trying to build a strong relationship with this individual, they appear to have a different plan. Living with a narcissist means that this person seems to be in direct competition with you despite being behind closed doors. Whether the narcissist is talking glowingly about an ex or incessantly praising the achievements of a family member or friend, this is a strategic move designed to make you feel inadequate. The narcissist does this to exercise control and inflate their own incredibly low self-esteem. 

Don’t fall into the common trap of trying to learn how to outsmart a narcissist. People with this personality disorder want you to take the bait and play psychological games with them in their nightmare hall of mirrors. Reacting to the narcissist’s mistreatment of you allows them to point the finger and frame you as the abuser. The narcissist will relish the chance to tell everyone via smear campaigns about your terrible behaviour. They enjoy being able to pose as the victim, as in their warped minds, this entitles them to special treatment.

Narcissists want you to feel jealous because they constantly feel envious of everybody else around them. Narcissistic individuals will never admit this fact to you, no matter how hard you press them. You’ll find yourself entirely emotionally depleted from living with a narcissist unless you wise up to their psychological terror tactics and start piecing together the puzzle for your sanity.

Living With a Narcissist When Leaving Is Not An Option

There is no doubt that living with a narcissist when leaving is not an option is one of the most challenging situations to navigate. You may find yourself in this place due to financial, logistic or sometimes emotional reasons. By this stage, you’ve probably seen the narcissist for who they genuinely are and are occupied by doing everything you can to survive the days.

So, how to deal with a narcissist in this living setup? Accept that the narcissist cannot give you any positive affirmations you require in life, such as love, reassurance and comfort. Now is the time to turn inwards and practise becoming your self-love generator. Congratulate yourself on the fact that you’re coping despite everything, and plan to spend time outside of the house when possible. Remind yourself that many others value you, and meet up with these people whenever you can. The bleak energy radiating from the narcissist may affect your mental and emotional health, so remember to treat yourself in all possible ways until you find yourself in easier times.

Sadly, living with a narcissist when leaving is not an option is a situation many find themselves navigating. In this scenario, build up your self-esteem and support network as best you can until an escape plan becomes potentially viable if that’s the right choice for you. Forget learning how to outsmart a narcissist or finding similar workarounds. There are no winners where narcissists are involved, and you will only exhaust yourself trying to come out on top.

Final Thoughts on Living With a Narcissist 

Living under the same roof as a narcissist will bring all of your insecurities to the forefront – which is precisely what he or she wants. It’s important to realise, and reluctantly accept, that you cannot tell the narcissist that they are in the wrong, which makes honest communication near impossible. 

If you suspect that the person you are living with could have narcissistic personality disorder, it’s crucial to weigh up the impact this may be having on your life and well-being. If you’ve found 6 signs you may be living with a narcissist helpful, check out Why Does the Narcissist Play the Victim?