Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

It’s a question that many of us may wonder from time to time – do narcissists know they are narcissists? Furthermore, do narcissists know what they are doing? New research suggests that, in some cases, the answer may be yes, and that this knowledge may make them more likely to engage in selfish behaviour. So, what does this mean for those who have to deal with narcissists in our lives currently? And how can we protect ourselves from their ego-centric ways?

Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing? 

All individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, whether overt or covert, operate through a false self. This manufactured self is an egoic construction and is the narcissist’s ultimate defence mechanism, which allows the narcissist to avoid facing their dilapidated and concealed true self.

The existence of the false self is dependent entirely on the energy, approval and praise from others. Without these inputs, the construct would cease to exist, and the narcissist would suffer a catastrophic collapse. Yet, as the false self is wholly hollow and only a mirage, the narcissist feels strangely detached from their created construct. 

To accommodate the false self, the narcissist’s brain wiring is mutated, to put it lightly. Therefore, when narcissists become triggered by someone or something, which is almost every day, they react using dysfunctional pathways rather than employing healthy logic. These highly emotional reactions are second nature for narcissists, who run from their flaws and accountability at all costs. 

The narcissist’s perception of events is hugely distorted due to their rigid personality construct. ‘Remote viewing’ is the term often used to describe how the narcissist observes events unfolding, even when they are at the centre of the action. The narcissist feels disassociated from their behaviour and numbly watches from a distance as though they aren’t really playing a part. You may have noticed that when the narcissist is acting out or enraged, their eyes take on a flat ‘the lights are on, but nobody is home’ quality. 

The brain is a complicated organ, but it’s also a fascinating tool for understanding how we perceive the world. Several people may witness the same event but have different versions of what happened. Everybody’s view is coloured by their unique lens on life and how their brains process things around them. 

With all this in mind, it’s fair to reason that the narcissist believes, no matter how despicable their behaviour, that they are right and the other person is wrong. The narcissist navigates the world through a highly emotional, self-centred lens, where their feelings are absolute facts. If you’ve ever tried to reason with a narcissist and tell them that their perception isn’t correct, you know counter refutation will come your way.

So, do narcissists know what they are doing? Not exactly. Narcissists live in a constant survival mode, and even if they are aware that they hurt you, they cannot afford to care. The narcissist has to avoid drowning in the shame stemming from the true self at all costs, and their brains have maladapted to accommodate the personality disorder. 

Does the Self-Aware Narcissist Exist?

After dealing with a narcissist in your life and reading up about narcissistic personality disorder online and in literature, you may have noticed that narcissists can vary significantly from one another. I’m not just talking about the differences between overt and covert narcissists, but how the disorder manifests in contrasting fashions. Do narcissists know they are narcissists, and do narcissists know what they are doing?

Narcissists come from all walks of life, from the career-driven, smooth-talking CEOs of large corporations, to those on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale, who may resort to crime for their survival. What determines the narcissist’s place in society can be due to various reasons, namely their own parent’s societal standing, but more often than not, the narcissist’s intellectual ability. 

Despite suffering from a personality disorder, every narcissist still possesses identifying traits from their true self. The narcissist may be emotionally disabled, but their cognitive functions remain, which they use to manipulate those around them. Like neurotypicals, narcissists can be either lacking or gifted in intelligence. 

So, does the self-aware narcissist exist? There appears to be an emerging pattern whereby many narcissists on the higher end of the intellectual scale become conscious of their pathology. In pop psychology, these individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are commonly referred to as the ‘greater narcissist’ and represent a minority. This type of narcissist is typically overt, highly grandiose, and cerebral. They may come across as eccentric, with a strong and lively personality, in public, at least. 

The cognitive abilities of this variety of narcissists mean that they can acknowledge that they are disordered and often manage to accurately self-diagnose. So, is the self-aware narcissist still a narcissist? Unfortunately, yes, the pathology remains fully intact. Narcissists often use their knowledge of their disorder to enhance their manipulative behaviours to the detriment of others. Having self-awareness of their narcissism changes very little. The narcissist cannot magically begin to love or care about other people, as the emotional disability and profound lack of identity override everything. 

So, Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

The vast majority of people with the disorder seem to lack self-awareness. Most narcissists journey through life with poor insight into their pathology and genuinely do not recognise that they have a problem. Unaware narcissists may be vaguely conscious that something is amiss within, but these thoughts tend to be fleeting. For these narcissists, the answer to do narcissists know what they are doing, is essentially no.

Most with this personality disorder sincerely believe that they are victims not of their condition but of those closest to them, who they erroneously perceive as their abusers. If you suspect that someone you know is a narcissist and tell them this information, self-aware narcissist or otherwise, they will likely receive your assertions very poorly. The false self cannot handle flaws pointed out by others, and the narcissist’s sense of shame becomes overwhelming, triggering narcissistic injury. Even if the narcissist does acknowledge the error of their ways, any sort of apparent breakthrough will likely be temporary. The false self is forever waiting in the wings, ready to distort the narcissist’s reality, and the perpetual, destructive cycle begins again.

For further reading in a similar field to do narcissists know they are narcissists, check out Why the Narcissist Blames You.