Self Sabotaging Behaviours Often Overlooked

Self-sabotaging behaviours are an insidious beast. You’re going through life, doing the best you can, making seemingly logical decisions, but the bad stuff keeps happening. The same patterns play out over and over, leaving you feeling trapped, frustrated and depressed. It seems that no matter how hard you try to break the cycle, you end up in the same place, regardless. At this point, you’re probably beginning to wonder if you’re genuinely cursed. 

If this sounds familiar, you could be falling victim to self-defeating behaviours and associated thought processes. The worst of it is, more often than not, sabotage is a subconscious habit. In this post, I want to explore the most commonly overlooked choices and actions that wreak havoc and spell disaster for your well-being.

Procrastination

It’s easy to misplace procrastination and fail to see it for what it is genuinely; a form of self-sabotage. For this reason, it’s often referred to as self-sabotage in disguise. Everyone can fall victim to putting things off to a degree, but when you habitually leave tasks that you need to complete to the final hour, you’re only serving to undermine your potential. 

Procrastination can be so much more than dithering, too; it can alter the course of your life profoundly. Stuck living in a bad place or situation which makes you unhappy but unable to move on due to fear of change or failure? It’s common to accept that this is just the way things are without delving deeper into why you feel this way. Too often, the act of procrastinating exists to soothe; the problem is, in the long run, it only hurts. 

Putting off making life decisions demonstrates a lack of self-care. While taking action is a choice, so is the decision not to take action. The best example of this is toxic relationship involvement – you are choosing to leave, but you are also choosing to stay. Never forget self-love attracts love, which leads to the next point to discuss.

Dating People Who Aren’t Compatible

Self-sabotaging behaviours tend to reveal themselves when it comes to relationships. Do you look back at your dating history and now wonder what you were thinking, trying to make a clearly unsuitable match work? Did you push away those offering you the best chance of love whilst letting the wrong ones in? Or did you stay in a relationship for many years in the secret hope that your partner would change their ways, even though they never took any action to prove that he or she was capable of doing so? Lastly, have you developed a pattern of getting involved with emotionally unavailable people? 

Sometimes we stay in dysfunctional relationships as we harbour the subconscious thought process that we deserve no better. Worse still, we deem ourselves unworthy of healthy love. Recognise that this is one of the most toxic self-sabotaging behaviours possible, and start unravelling how you entered this mindset. 

We all find ourselves plagued by self-destructive thoughts from time to time; the secret is not to let them drown your soul or dim your inner light. Begin to uncover how this thought process came about, no matter how painful. Never feel shame for feeling the need to get help from others, in whatever form that may take.

Arrogance

Like most self-sabotaging behaviours, arrogance is another one that will keep you stuck in the same place in life or lead to regression. Being arrogant can bring about laziness and inactivity and ultimately kill creativity. 

Another somewhat silent self-defeating behaviour, arrogance, can perhaps surprisingly lead to stunted intellect over time. The brain is a muscle, and underuse affects all muscles comparatively the same way – they become less effective. Letting your ego rule will always be a regrettable mistake, and as time passes, with the effects of this attitude, you’ll find it increasingly hard to find things to be arrogant about anyway.

Hubris ultimately represents neglect of your true self and soul and is one of the very worst forms of lack of self-care. Nip this horribly self-defeating behaviour in the bud whilst you can.

Blaming Others 

Placing the blame on others when things go wrong is the easy way out, at first, anyway. Pointing the finger at someone else can make you feel better in the short term. However, routinely shifting blame is a highly destructive personal habit. 

Not only will you risk ruining interpersonal relationships by eschewing responsibility, but you’ll also never address your wrongdoings, an action that could provide an opportunity for personal growth. 

What Can Be Done About Self-Sabotaging Behaviours 

Like most destructive habits, self-sabotaging behaviours have their roots in childhood. Fundamentally and somewhat ironically, self-sabotage is a coping mechanism. The problem is that whilst these behaviours may have helped you survive a situation in the past, now they’re hurting primarily one person – you. 

The positive news is that healing yourself from self-sabotaging behaviours doesn’t need to be as difficult as you may think. If you’ve reached a point whereby you identify a problem and recognise that it comes from within, half the battle is already won. For extra help, try talking it through with others, whether family and friends or in an online support group. 

Once you’re actively aware of your behaviours and address why you adopted this mode of behaviour, challenging yourself to act in the opposite way to your past habits needn’t be an uphill struggle. 

For further reading on self-sabotage, The Candidly have created an insightful post. You may also find 5 Ways to Increase Your Self Love helpful. 

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