Unhealthy vs Healthy Relationships: Why Open Communication is Key

When emotions are running high, it can be challenging to truly grasp the differences between unhealthy vs healthy relationships. Whether or not we recognise it, how we navigate relationships often depends on our upbringing and subconscious beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes, if parental figures didn’t show us healthy relationship examples growing up, we may struggle to recognise them in adulthood. It’s not your fault the foundation of healthy relationships was never made clear to you, but you can educate yourself and work towards an acknowledgment of that fact. 

Do you understand the true meaning of open communication, and can you recognise when boundaries are crossed in a relationship? You’re far from alone if you worry that you’ve missed the toxic relationship signs. Let’s cover what makes relationships sustainable, loving, and worthwhile, and alternatively, the behaviours that will only hurt you. 

Unhealthy Relationships

The following are hallmark signs of an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship. Often, people stuck in complicated relationships need to see the traits written out on a page to be able to recognise them in their own life. Denial can be a strong factor in these types of relationships, and partners gaslight themselves into believing all is fine when it’s far from OK. 

Controlling Behaviours

Controlling behaviour can be tough to spot and often escalates as the relationship develops. Is your partner happy for you to be independent and autonomous, or is this a cause of conflict and tension? Toxic individuals may find subtle ways to prevent their partner from spending time with family and friends or resort to emotional abuse tactics such as silent treatments or passive aggression if they feel out of control of every aspect of their partner’s life. 

Controlling individuals will try to convince their partner that limiting their usual activities is for their greater good, which leads the partner to feel shame if they don’t comply with the unhealthily imposed rules. 

Insecurity

Even the most confident people can have niggling insecurities or things about themselves that they wish were different. A critical foundation of healthy relationships is that your partner doesn’t exacerbate insecurity pain points but accepts and soothes them with love that doesn’t come with conditions. A good relationship should make you feel content, happy and fulfilled with yourself and your lover. 

Like most types of abuse, it can start slowly and be insidious in nature. Does your partner make subtle digs about your weight or undermine aspects of your inborn personality? After a while, it’s hard to ignore the growing contempt just below the surface. 

Dishonesty

Honest communication is at the heart of all healthy partnerships. The trust is immediately gone if you suspect your partner is lying about certain things or being deceptive. The odd white lie does not harm, but pathological dishonesty is a dealbreaker. 

People will often lie if they lack the emotional maturity to know how to deal with the situation. Young children behave similarly, as they haven’t yet developed the adult tools for open communication and transparency. Dealing with a partner you suspect is lying will wreck your emotional wellbeing and undermine your confidence. Lies prevent true intimacy and place an uncomfortable strain on the relationship dynamic. 

Healthy Relationships

Balanced relationships can be hard to come by and aren’t recognised by all. Unhealthy vs healthy relationships present very differently, however, and are easy to spot once you know the signs. Most of us crave unconditional love, but unfortunately, not everyone can provide that fundamental foundation of healthy relationships. 

Mutual Respect

In healthy relationships, there is a silent understanding and respect for each other’s similarities and differences, likes and dislikes. You understand your partner’s valuable contributions to the relationship and empathise with things they may find challenging. 

Mutual respect is as simple as treating your significant other how you would like to and placing yourself in their shoes. That means being courteous and thoughtful and not undermining your partner’s confidence. Sometimes, you have to be willing to agree to disagree on specific topics, but you do it without hesitation as you’re keen to work through things out of care and love. 

Individuality

Are you somebody who requires much alone time, whilst your partner is more outgoing and gregarious? Well, both personality traits are OK. Boundaries in a relationship signal respect, and you understand that you are separate from one another, each with your own distinct identity, interests and ideas. 

The beauty of individuality is what makes us attractive to a partner. People’s unique personalities keep partners endlessly curious and excited to uncover the deeper parts within your psyche. 

Open Communication

Lastly, and arguably the most crucial, is open honest communication. The foundation of all healthy relationships, open communication means being able to talk to your partner effectively and transparently about just about everything. There are no guessing games, misunderstandings or walking on eggshells. You’re on the same page most of the time and have a shared sense of knowingness. Importantly, you never have to worry about discussions escalating into arguments due to a partner’s unhealthy emotional temperament. 

Open communication is the cornerstone for compatibility, happiness and longevity. Too many people waste years trying to force their partner to understand or truthfully open up to them. If someone is capable of authentic and honest communication, they’ll show and prove it to you early in the relationship. 

Final Thoughts On Unhealthy vs Healthy Relationships

Too many people miss the red flags that crop up again and again in unhealthy romantic relationships as they never knew any better. We can be conditioned from childhood to accept emotional abuse as the norm and not to demand boundaries in a relationship, often as we subconsciously believe that is the version of the so-called love we deserve.

The foundation of healthy relationships is first to have a good relationship with yourself and your soul. Check out 5 ways to increase your self-love for more on this topic. When you have honest communication with yourself, you’ll be able to transfer this balanced trait to your love life. When you love yourself unconditionally, things like controlling behaviours, when boundaries are crossed in a relationship, and dishonesty are recognised immediately. These acts are no longer red flags but dealbreakers that signal you should run for the exit.