8 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

Everyone can spot an overt narcissist. Grandiose, loud, dramatic, and openly ego-obsessed. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are a more elusive breed. These individuals operate in the shadows, employing subtle tactics to manipulate and control those around them. I’m going to delve into the strange world of those with this disorder and uncover eight weird things covert narcissists do. 

The Martyr Complex

A peculiar trait of covert narcissists is their tendency to live their lives with a martyr complex. They thrive on playing the victim, portraying themselves as pitiful, long-suffering individuals who endure immense hardship. Why? This behaviour allows them to garner sympathy and attention from others, reinforcing their perceived importance. Covert narcissists will always position themselves as the perpetual underdog, ensuring that their needs and desires take precedence.

Silent Sabotage

Unlike overt narcissists, who often openly undermine others, covert narcissists engage in a form of silent sabotage. They may subtly undermine their peers, colleagues, and family members (no one gets spared from their wrath), all while maintaining a façade of innocence. This covert aggression can take various forms, from spreading rumours with smear campaigns to strategically withholding crucial information. 

The victim is often left grappling with self-doubt and confusion, unaware of the insidious manipulation at play. Is someone suddenly being offhand with you? They may well have been told horrible and untrue things about you by the covert narcissist. 

Creepy Body Language 

All narcissists have atypical body language, but coverts are especially odd in this department. In my experience, those with vulnerable narcissism tend to resemble toddlers in their body language. Like toddlers, they don’t typically swing their arms, leading to a strange, rigid appearance when observed in a fully grown adult. Why would this be the case? Narcissists are emotionally disabled. Their average emotional age is that of a toddler. We can theorise, therefore, that the covert narcissist’s body language reflects the age at which the false self took over, and the true self stopped developing. 

If you’ve ever lived with a covert narcissist, you may also have noticed how they can seemingly move from different parts of the house very quickly and quietly. I’ve sometimes wondered, do these people teleport? The more likely answer is that they purposely move, making as little noise as possible so they can eavesdrop or catch you off-guard. This behaviour is yet another of the weird things covert narcissists do. 

Walking Behind You

A quick glance at any narcissistic abuse support group or forum will tell you that narcissists don’t tend to walk beside you, particularly if you’re a romantic partner. The pattern seems to be overt narcissists walk very fast and always ahead, whilst coverts tend to go at a snail’s pace, dragging behind like a sulky child. But why? 

Walking behind you is another way for covert narcissists to position themselves as a pitiful victim. They often blame others for “walking too fast” and manipulate you into feeling guilty. The desired result? The narcissist ultimately ends up in a position of power, controlling others through emotion. 

Selective Empathy

While overt narcissists may make it clear for all to see that they lack empathy, covert narcissists selectively wield this emotional tool to their advantage. Through their humble, ‘nice guy’ facade, they display empathy when it serves their interests or helps them maintain a favourable image. However, this empathy is not genuine; it is a calculated move designed to manipulate others into seeing them as compassionate and caring. Behind the mask, their true lack of concern for others becomes apparent through either their actions or lack of them. 

Perhaps you are unwell in hospital. You’d expect your partner to visit you, yes? Not if your partner happens to be a covert narcissist. They may send a few messages with hollow, generalised sympathetic words, but this ultimately means nothing. You’re left feeling alone and unloved and wondering how someone so seemingly kind could be so cold. 

The Chameleon Effect

Next, in weird things covert narcissists do, we have their ever-changing personalities. Covert narcissists possess an uncanny ability to adapt to different social situations by morphing into what they think others want them to be. This chameleon-like behaviour allows them to blend seamlessly into various environments and social circles, making it challenging for those around them to detect their true nature. You may start wondering, who really is this person? 

This adaptability serves the covert narcissist’s selfish needs as they mirror the values and preferences of those they seek to manipulate. By lulling others into a false sense of security, the narcissist gains control. 

Gaslighting Mastery

An article on the weird things covert narcissists do wouldn’t be complete without this mention. Gaslighting is a classic tactic employed by all types of narcissists to erode the victim’s sense of reality and self-worth. They use subtle manipulation to make their targets question their take on reality, memories, and sanity. 

This highly insidious technique allows the covert narcissist to maintain control over their victims by sowing seeds of doubt and confusion. Many on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse start worrying, am I going mad? Over time, the gaslighting victim may find it increasingly difficult to trust their view of situations. 

Triangulation Techniques

Finally, in weird things covert narcissists do, comes triangulation. They may slyly pit friends, family members, or colleagues against each other, fostering an environment of rivalry that serves their manipulative agenda. 

Do you feel that your narcissistic parent favours your sibling over you? The covert narcissist may find subtle ways to ensure that your self-worth becomes eroded, breaking down your relationships with others further. By strategically controlling information and perceptions, the covert narcissist ensures that they remain the central figure in the web of relationships, enjoying the attention and admiration generated by the discord they’ve sown. Remember, receiving attention because others are hurt and angry by your behaviour is better than no attention, thinks the narcissist. 

Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do Round-Up 

Understanding the sly and often perplexing behaviour of covert narcissists is crucial for safeguarding yourself the best you can against their manipulative tactics. These individuals operate in the shadows, rarely shedding their ‘nice guy’ mask, leaving a trail of confusion and emotional turmoil behind. 

By shedding light on the weird things covert narcissists do, we empower ourselves to recognise these toxic behaviours and break free from their subtle, yet potent, grip. Once you see a vulnerable narcissist for who they indeed are, there’s no going back.