The Problem With Everyday Narcissism

When we think of toxic behaviour, most of us probably cast our minds to picture a clearly abusive person who likely suffers from pathological narcissism and is therefore incapable of actual change. However, is how we define narcissistic abuse so clearcut? Perhaps we are all surviving narcissism on some level? Are the effects of narcissism more far-reaching after an analysis of behaviour? As it turns out, there’s another form, which is often elusive yet rampant – everyday narcissism.

So, who suffers from this low-grade version of narcissism? The answer is you, me and most other people we know. The trouble is that narcissistic behaviour isn’t helpful for anyone and only makes our lives less contented. Let’s discuss the checklist for narcissism.

What Causes Everyday Narcissism?

To be frank, society. Everyday narcissism is taught to us in childhood by our parents, teachers, and other adults in our lives. We are all, to an extent, a victim of narcissism, even though we don’t like to think of things this way. As we grow older, the world around us reinforces these childhood wounds; we aren’t good enough and must continue following traditional societal rules to become loveable. Feelings are secondary in our quest to become ‘acceptable’ community members. The problem is even when we achieve success, the wounding remains. Little wonder that PTSD and narcissism are such debated topics.

Sometimes, it’s hard to recognise this variety of narcissism. You may be left feeling exhausted or low in mood after spending time with someone but aren’t sure why. Learn to identify everyday narcissism with the following examples so that you can emotionally distance yourself from it and retain your inner peace. 

Bragging and Name-Dropping

Next up on the checklist for narcissism, have you ever spent time with an individual who spends the bulk of the conversation talking about various other people who you don’t even know? Have you found yourself sitting through a monologue detailing the achievements of others and how well their lives are going and feeling emotionally drained afterwards? The reason is you’re on the receiving end of everyday narcissism. Unlike a funny anecdote or honest, vulnerable conversation, the common brag serves no purpose to the listener. You don’t care if this person has social connections to a person they consider notable, who perhaps recently received a job promotion or moved into a bigger house; why would you? 

In most cases, bragging and name-dropping are subconscious behaviours, which PTSD and narcissism can explain away. They exist to bolster the ego and theoretically improve the social standing of the person doing the talking. Once you understand the psychology behind this habit, you’ll be able to feel less like a victim of narcissism and let it wash over you rather than letting it affect your mood.

The Backhanded Compliment

One of the dangers of narcissism is its subtlety and how easy it is to inflict hurt mindlessly. The backhanded compliment exemplifies just how important it is to be conscious of your words. If anyone has ever said something along the lines of the following examples to you, know that you’re dealing with everyday narcissism. 

“Wow! That dress makes you look thin.” 

“You did surprisingly well to achieve that grading.”

“I bet you looked great when you were younger.”

When examined, these assertions are cloaked insults. We’ve probably all been guilty at some point of unintentionally giving out a backhanded compliment – there’s a fine line between honesty and saying something damaging, however. Watch your words, always. 

Following the Herd

Do you, or someone you know, struggle to form or make organic preferences or decisions? Do you watch others blindly follow the pack without rationally considering if it’s right to do so? If so, you’re likely a victim of narcissism.

Contrary to popular belief, most with narcissistic personality disorder are very concerned about fitting into society. This concern sits right near the top of the checklist for narcissism. Narcissists want to be popular and respected and present an image of success to the world. Underlying these desires is an emotional longing to belong at the expense of an independent thought process and a chance to fulfil individual needs. Analysis of the behaviour of the masses reveals that this way of functioning has become pervasive. 

So, What Can We Do About Everyday Narcissism?

Low-grade narcissism has become so entrenched in society that it often goes by unquestioned. We carry around childhood wounds as adults and, as a result, unintentionally wound others in day-to-day life. It’s a vicious cycle which leads only to sadness and discontent. Surviving narcissism is undoubtedly no party.

Now is the time to examine everything society has led you to believe about yourself. Made to feel unlovable or never good enough, despite your best efforts? Were you shamed for being different from the stereotypical person? Where did that notion originate? Can the adult you now see how wrong that is?

Look within and consciously address your wounds, one by one. Combat the myths planted by everyday narcissism and re-parent your inner being. Awaken yourself to become fully aware of your conduct and how you address others. You’re fine as you are, after all.

Want more on surviving narcissism? Check out 6 Things Narcissists Say and What They Actually Mean.